Most of This Won't Matter in Six Months

Most of what's keeping us up tonight won't matter in a few months. A piece about letting go of other people's opinions and paying attention to what actually affects your life.

I'm the kind of person who lives a few steps ahead — always turning over what someone else might be thinking of me.

A few months ago I read The Let Them Theory, by Mel Robbins. It's about exactly that: how much of our attention goes to what other people think, feel, or how they react to whatever we do.

Once you're in that loop, it's not easy to climb out. You keep shaping yourself into whatever the people around you seem to need. But does it actually matter? Does it matter all the time?

Why we're raised to please — and what it costs

Most of us grew up being told we exist to take care of everyone else, to be as accommodating as we possibly can. So what happens when that starts to cost more than it gives back? When it wears you down instead of making you feel useful?

There are stretches of life where the only move left is to let people think whatever they want and do whatever they want. If you're steady inside and you know where you're going, all of it is background noise. You can tune it out.

A comment from someone who doesn't matter to you, a criticism, an opinion — none of it does anything for you in the long run. The only thing it can touch is your peace of mind. And you can just listen and let it go.

Letting people be, without fixing their lives

Which brings me to the other half of it: not trying to solve everybody's life all the time beats spending yours worrying about theirs.

That covers a lot of ground. The good impulse to help, sure — but also the things we don't like and want to change in other people. Those we can learn to let be too. With our mothers, our siblings, our partners, everyone.

Not everything deserves your attention, and nothing is ever quite as important as it feels. Thinking that way takes some weight off and leaves room for whatever actually matters.

Because in the end, most of what's keeping us up tonight won't matter in a few months.